i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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