shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
