The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
