this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
