Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
