Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We don't watch enough power rangers
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
