and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
