and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
