you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
