I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
