just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
