Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
