I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
