I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
