He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
