my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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