Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
