the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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