i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You are the jesus of drinking
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
