Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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