So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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