Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
