I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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