At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
