the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
