I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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