she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
