I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if only i could text you this smell
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
