are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
