i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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