Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
