i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
