i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
