I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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