I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
