just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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