My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
