She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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