This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
