I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
