so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
