There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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