Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
