he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
