Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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