I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this will be a night to untag.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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