just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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