Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
