she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
