omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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